Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Party Games for the Non-Drinker

As I round off two months of alcohol-free entertainment, I’ve noticed that I’ve become a drink counter. Not mine, mine are pretty easy to count. Always 0. Yours however, are becoming increasingly interesting to me.

I don’t do it to judge you or because I particularly care how many you have. It’s just one of the many games I play to occupy myself when I can’t come up with adequate conversation. I like to wander into a room, guess who’s going to hit the bar the hardest during a set period of time, and then wait to see how my prediction plays out.

If you’re new to this game, you might put your money on the guy who’s wearing fake boobs filled with liquor. These boobs conveniently have taps for nipples, so I could see why you might pick him. You would be mistaken though. Flexibility won’t allow the average drinker to suckle his own taps, and by the time he drains a boob, he’s going to be confused as to how to refill it. 

The key to winning this game is to think outside of the box. Unless that box happens to be a box of wine, in which case all bets are off. It’s a bit voyeuristic, but at least I’m putting my critical thinking skills to good use.

I prefer to play this game with complete strangers, as it adds an extra degree of difficulty and I don’t feel like an ass when I guess correctly. The best location is a restaurant at happy hour. Everybody loves a bargain.

Another game I like to play is trying to match you drink for drink with cans of soda (diet, I’m not crazy). I’m not as good at this game. Considering my years of intensive training, I thought this would be an easy one. Near as I can tell, the diuretic effect of alcohol gives you an advantage. My kidneys aren’t as motivated to process a 12-pack of Fresca.

After one party, I decided to investigate dealcoholized wine, which is not the same as grape juice. Dealcoholized wine is wine that has had the alcohol removed after the fact, so it retains the complexity of flavor.

There is a God and He loves me!

I think it’s pretty good, although I prefer the Merlot to the Chardonnay (which is not the case with “normal” wine). After his first sip my adventure partner said, “Mmmm….Manischewitz…” but he went back for thirds and found this article, so I assume he liked it.

One of our friends mixed his Chardonnay with Sugar-Free AMP and dubbed it a “ghetto sour” so I can vouch for its versatility. I prefer my Manischewitz/Merlot neat, partially for the flavor, but mostly because I still have standards. L’chaim! 


  1. I love this post so much.

  2. He'll be there next month and I'll be visiting soon. There's a checklist of food places that we can hop together if you like, including but not limited to EspaƱa.

  3. I'm in. I haven't been to Espana since I've been back, and I love tapas! Side note, why does this town have the best sushi? It makes no sense. All the sushi I had on the island nation of Britain was god-awful, but this land-locked, Midwestern, corn-lovin' city has delicious sushi. Weird.

  4. ISN'T THAT INCREDIBLE?! Hands down the best sushi I've ever had was at Sushi Japan.

  5. I LOVE that place. They have my all-time favorite roll: The Anton. It's like a Philly Roll, but better. I also love their crab rangoon roll, and their salad with the carrot dressing is pretty good too. Dammit! Now I'm hungry!


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